A life changing incident

Once upon a time when I heard people say crap about how gays suck (no pun intended) alongside a whole list of negative things, I'd smile and say what I've always said about gays: Gays are cool. Simply because every straight guy that gets taken off the game, means a shift of the guy: girl ratio in my favour. It was always as simple as that to me.

Well that was what I always thought until like 5 hours ago when I was in town and I saw this GAY couple. Normally, this is the way I see it - GAYs seldom engage in public display of affection for fear of the public's reaction, so normally when you see 2 random sissy-like mofos on the street, you'd actually give 'em the benefit of a doubt that they were just born with less testosterone. But what I saw was a clear sign that the couple was GAY and they were proud to be seen together as a GAY couple.

Allow me to attempt to re-create the image I saw in words. I saw 2 Mats HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC. Ok I know what you're gonna say. "Hey man, don't be so quick to pass a judgement on 2 innocent Mats, sometimes guys put their arms on their buddies shoulders as a sign of kinship and support and stuff..." In response to that, I'll have to ask you to go fuck yourself and die from it. As far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as a GUY holding another GUY's HAND in the brotherhood code so fuck you if you're a closet metrosexual and all, but I DO NOT CONDONE BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.

My world then spun out of its orbit when the 2 mofos changed position and put their HANDS ON EACH OTHER'S WAIST. I mean really, normally I'm not the kind of guy that gives a rat's ass about what happens behind closed doors for other people cos I simply don't give a shit. BUT THEY WERE SHOVING THIS GAY AFFECTION THING RIGHT DOWN MY THROAT WITH THAT STYLISH HAND-TO-WAIST SWITCH MANEUVER.

I walked on and hoped that everything would be fine. I tried to wash it down with a couple of beers and shit loads of food. Nothing quite worked. Just as I psyched myself to just move on and treat the whole episode as karma for my morning's GYs, fate, like the bitch that it is, tightened its grip on my balls once again. I was walking around, just window shopping, when once again, just within an hour of my gruesome encounter, I SPOTTED THE GAY MAT COUPLE AGAIN, HAND-IN-HAND (in all essence of the phrase) walking towards my direction as if to proclaim : " We're gay, circumcised, and proud of it.... *tee-hee* " I let out a "WTF mate?@!?@!?"

Why was this shit happening to me? I will never know the true reason. All I know is that I only did some standard GYs this morning like pee on the letterboxes and spit on the fridge door, nothing special, just the standard drill. But why was I made to witness the nightmarish sight yet again, I can only justify it with this : Its time I changed my stand on GAYs, so here's what I think. GAYs suck (all puns intended) and they deserve a special place in heaven with all the people who listen to bubblegum pop....