I Hate Fat People

I don't even know if I should be using the word "people" to describe them... Do walking lumps of lard really qualify to be classified under the category of homo sapiens? Should a new sub species be created to cater to them? But then again, why go through all that extra work? Seriously, who gives a flying fuck about them?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against all fat beings. When I say fat I'm pointing my finger at those who are disgustingly obese and walk around swaggering side to side like a balloon that's about to burst. I'm referring to the fatty that barely fits into a chair and still stuffs his/her face at the buffet table. I'm talking about those who reach that disgusting stage where the back of their neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.

Nothing against those that fall a little on the chubby side. Some may actually be considered hot (chicks of course). I point you in the direction of a certain Drew Barrymore, whom I think is pretty hot with that pouty face of hers. I know, some of you are thinking I'm turning soft, but I'm human after all. My capacity for love is surprisingly large at times. And of course, fat "people" who are funny are naturally excused. They are afterall, funny...




















For those that have questions about fat "people", I have taken the time off to prepare a series of FAQ to answer all your queries. This is the result of extensive research and answers have been verified by a professional panel of GYs that hate fat people.

Fat "People" FAQ

Are fat "people' dangerous?

YES. An adult fatty can easily crush a grown man between its butt cheeks. Plus they emit large amounts of flammable methane gas and they usually have rabies.

What do fat "people' eat that makes them so fat?

A fatty typically consist approximately 85% body fat and 15% bacon. Not surprisingly the preferred food of fatties is bacon, followed closely by French Fries. However when fatties enter a feeding frenzy they have been noted to consume whole birthday cakes, live chickens, and even humans.

Can fat "people' be domesticated for use as pets or plowing fields?

No, unfortunately they are not intellligent enough.

How do fat "people' reproduce?

That is still a mystery. This much is known: Fatties in the wild communicate through a series of grunts and squeals, and when in heat will attempt to mate with anything handy including spare tires and apple pies.

Are fat "people' related to humans?

Classic theory places the fatty on the evolutionary scale somewhere between softshell crab and a plate of chicken Cordon Bleu. Recent research however seems to indicate that fatties may actually be a mutation of normal homo sapiens that have been infected by a virus known as "Icantstopeatingrus".

If after reading this article you feel like you may want to take a stand against them, there are of course a number of ways you can do so. I have taken the liberty of putting down here a list of things that you can do to help the cause that is generally accepted as the most humane ways possible to solve the problem:

1) Using a piece of wood, bean a fatty in the back of the head as it's walking down a flight of stairs.
2) Blow up a bacon factory. Interrupting enemy supply lines is a tried and tested wartime tactic.
3) Puke in a fatty's face. Just be careful not to get too close as you might get caught in the fatty's gravitational field.
4) Cram one of these up your ass: _1_. It wouldn't actually help the cause but it'd be pretty funny.
5) Hold a fatty awareness rally at your HDB void deck. Work the residents up into a frenzy of hate, arm them with soup ladles and brooms then release them into a locked cage with some fatties you had lured in advance with bacon. Then run like hell.
6) Elephant Glue a fatty's mouth shut (stapling may be substitued for Elephant Glue if you are environmentally conscious type).

The writer reserves the right to insult fat "people' over and over again and thanks everyone who has contributed to his research.

Two Eyes for Many Guys

Chow Throws in Support for Poethood

Far Eastern Economic Review

In a latest press release, Hong Kong megastar Stephen Chow expressed his support for Poethood, the newest sensation in blogville.

"I am amazed by the thought process in the site," said Chow.

"Few Asians are this bold. I appreciate them for it."

While the characters behind Poethood remain unknown, the talk of the town is that they could be normal Singaporeans living out supernormal lives.

A life changing incident

Once upon a time when I heard people say crap about how gays suck (no pun intended) alongside a whole list of negative things, I'd smile and say what I've always said about gays: Gays are cool. Simply because every straight guy that gets taken off the game, means a shift of the guy: girl ratio in my favour. It was always as simple as that to me.

Well that was what I always thought until like 5 hours ago when I was in town and I saw this GAY couple. Normally, this is the way I see it - GAYs seldom engage in public display of affection for fear of the public's reaction, so normally when you see 2 random sissy-like mofos on the street, you'd actually give 'em the benefit of a doubt that they were just born with less testosterone. But what I saw was a clear sign that the couple was GAY and they were proud to be seen together as a GAY couple.

Allow me to attempt to re-create the image I saw in words. I saw 2 Mats HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC. Ok I know what you're gonna say. "Hey man, don't be so quick to pass a judgement on 2 innocent Mats, sometimes guys put their arms on their buddies shoulders as a sign of kinship and support and stuff..." In response to that, I'll have to ask you to go fuck yourself and die from it. As far as I'm concerned, there is no such thing as a GUY holding another GUY's HAND in the brotherhood code so fuck you if you're a closet metrosexual and all, but I DO NOT CONDONE BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.

My world then spun out of its orbit when the 2 mofos changed position and put their HANDS ON EACH OTHER'S WAIST. I mean really, normally I'm not the kind of guy that gives a rat's ass about what happens behind closed doors for other people cos I simply don't give a shit. BUT THEY WERE SHOVING THIS GAY AFFECTION THING RIGHT DOWN MY THROAT WITH THAT STYLISH HAND-TO-WAIST SWITCH MANEUVER.

I walked on and hoped that everything would be fine. I tried to wash it down with a couple of beers and shit loads of food. Nothing quite worked. Just as I psyched myself to just move on and treat the whole episode as karma for my morning's GYs, fate, like the bitch that it is, tightened its grip on my balls once again. I was walking around, just window shopping, when once again, just within an hour of my gruesome encounter, I SPOTTED THE GAY MAT COUPLE AGAIN, HAND-IN-HAND (in all essence of the phrase) walking towards my direction as if to proclaim : " We're gay, circumcised, and proud of it.... *tee-hee* " I let out a "WTF mate?@!?@!?"

Why was this shit happening to me? I will never know the true reason. All I know is that I only did some standard GYs this morning like pee on the letterboxes and spit on the fridge door, nothing special, just the standard drill. But why was I made to witness the nightmarish sight yet again, I can only justify it with this : Its time I changed my stand on GAYs, so here's what I think. GAYs suck (all puns intended) and they deserve a special place in heaven with all the people who listen to bubblegum pop....

We lost a GY

There was a time ... when a GY will be there for us to bully ... to buy drinks for us. .. to jus let us screw around.

Now he's no longer there. He shuns me, he shuns u.

We remind him of his wretched past. When he sees us, it's like putting salt onto his raw wound. When he thinks of us, his hearts ache.

Now we have lost him, we remember a GY who was really one of the most original around.

For the rest ... livestrong. move on. breathe on.

The Round Table

Some ppl like it long, some like it short, some like it big, some like it small. Some like it rectangular, some like it squarish. But some just hate it being round...


The Main man shivers when the table is round,
Echoing thru the streets is the unmistakable sound,
All the GYs could heard his heart pound,
As lunchtime comes around.
All the truths and secrets are to be found,
Hungry wolves, the GYs are like a hound.
I hope that some lunchtime i will be in town,
Cos i always frown,
when i know i miss some juicy stories at the table so round.

I Hate Gays

By gay I mean homosexuals, male on male, going through the backdoor that kinda stuff. Perhaps hate is the wrong word to use. Maybe detest, abhor, scorn, despise... you get the picture.

I will never understand why another man would subject himself to the ridicule of being classified as a freaking fairy. It is against all laws of nature. Why another guy?! Doesn't he have everything you have?!! Take a look in the mirror!

It doesn't matter if you are a gay; behaving like one, having gay thoughts, idolising Beckham, saying "I wish I was gay", basically doing anything pansy-like will automatically make you a faggot in my books and earn you a _l_. On the other hand, I take back my _l_for you may actually be enjoying it.

What's wrong with women? Especially the foxy ones. True, they do come along with a certain amount of baggage, but the rewards certainly justify all the shite (bloguage) that you have to put up with. And there are foxy women all over the place! Hell I travel with a busload of foxy ladies every morning (but that's another story)! So there's no excuse for being gay.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not totally anti-gay. I'm totally for gay women, or lesbians as they are more commonly known. Lesbians are hot! I direct your attention to a certain Ms Jenna Jameson. (For those guys who do not know who she is, make no mistake, YOU'RE GAY!) Lesbians are definitely hot, or at least the non-butchy ones are. What can be hotter than a foxy chick? TWO foxy chicks!

Speaking of foxy ladies, I love Tara Reid. Deep deep... Seriously, who wouldn't? I watched Josie and the Pussycats in its entirety just for her. And you can trust me when I say the movie was shite (bloguage again).

Foxy ladies are thrown in our face every single day. They're used to sell anything from cigarettes to dishwashers to videogames. It's a man's world out there. There's like a freaking stimulant at every turn! How can any hot-blooded young man resist the lure of those nubile young things?! I seriously wonder what can make a man go gay...

Onto the topic of sex in everyday life. It has come to my attention that a recent video game; Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, has been given a mature rating in the states after the censorship board found out that a downloadable patch available on the web opens up a scene in the game who has the character humping a hooker. Authorities say the scene is too graphic and will influence the mind of young children. Of course they're right. I mean, I only bought the damn game so that I could pretend to be a gang-member, steal a car, run over pedestrains to earn bonus points, make a hit on drug-dealers and shoot down hookers as part of the goal. How could you include such a morally wrong scene such as sex with a hooker?!! That would certainly leave a devasting impact on all the young minds out there. What a pity. To think how much the game could have enriched the minds of the pillars of our society had the rating not prevented them from buying it. _l_ (>_<)_l_

Oh yeah, before I end this, did I mention that I hate Gays? Here's a gay joke to end it:

Three gays are in a spa bath - Suddenly a blob of semen floats to the surface of the spa. They all look at each other and one says to the other two: "Ok, which of you two morons farted?"

Family Potrait

Happy family

A new hope

This will mark a new hope for the era of the GYs. pls kindly ... let the words flow in here...